Persiflage (
persiflage-1.livejournal.com
) wrote
in
thisbluespirit
2009-12-31 03:10 pm (UTC)
no subject
What's Nat up to now?
Couple of beta-ish comments:
Ch 1
By the time Captain Evered arrived in the lab about an hour an a half later, misgivings had turned to trouble of various sorts.
"and" not "an"
Ch 2
And if I talk to people they’re much more likely to respond than they will with someone who’s poking a gun in their faces.
"to me" after "respond" and "would" rather than "will"
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no subject
Couple of beta-ish comments:
Ch 1
By the time Captain Evered arrived in the lab about an hour an a half later, misgivings had turned to trouble of various sorts.
"and" not "an"
Ch 2
And if I talk to people they’re much more likely to respond than they will with someone who’s poking a gun in their faces.
"to me" after "respond" and "would" rather than "will"