On Jo's bad days (and there were a lot of them), when she was too tired to run (and she didn't have the emotional energy to call Adam to help her with her abused feet), she went walking instead, wrapped in one of Zaf's old hoodies. She walked to the kebab take-out place he'd introduced her to, that he insisted had the best kebab, better than his mum's (but please, please, please don't tell her that). She went to the park where they'd throw bread crumbs for the pigeons, and to the pub where they'd school everyone else around them at darts. Sometimes she'd go to the library where they'd sit and read side-by-side and pretend to be ordinary uni students or a couple of yuppies.

On the worst days, when she woke with the sounds of Zaf's tortured screams in her head, she'd curl up in a ball on the corner of her mattress, headphones on, and listen to Zaf's favorite songs, hum tunelessly along and pretend he was beside her, singing under his breath the way he did when he was in a good mood.

When her feet finally got better, she picked up running again, and sometimes she could pretend Zaf was running alongside her, egging her on and teasing her and encouraging her.

After a while, she could listen to Zaf's favorite songs and eat at his favorite kebab place and read at the library without it being a bad day.

On her very worst day, when she knew the only way to do her job was to give up her own life, she nodded at Ros and hoped there was an afterlife and she'd get to see Zaf in it.