Fic Surprise!

[thisbluespirit]

Seven, Bernice & a Yeti. (All Ages)

I suddenly thought about the other Randomiser prompt that made me laugh and this appeared.  It is very silly.

Story
“Doctor?” said Benny, her voice thin in the pitch darkness.

He turned his head to where he assumed she still was. “Hmm?”

“There’s something I’ve got to ask you.”

“Fire away.”

She said more quietly. “No, this is really important. You give me the wrong answer and I’m going to kill you.”

“I have apologised once already.”

He really should have listened to her, he reflected. After all, she did know a considerable amount about her chosen subject and if she’d said that the Jacasians considered brandishing cutlery in the Temple of Hakoff to be desecration, it would have saved an awful lot of trouble if he’d put the spoons away. Unfortunately, he’d assumed this was due to her usual allergy to his musical abilities and general flippancy. Now they were trapped in the Pit of Hakoff, supposedly until they rotted away. Mind you, if she wouldn’t keep talking, he’d have thought of a way out by now.

“No, it’s not that,” she said. “Although, if we do get out of this alive, I shall expect significantly more grovelling. Possibly ice cream, pizza and alcohol. Maybe even chocolate.”

“Well, what is it then?”

Benny paused. “You want me to ask the question?”

“Yes.”

She said. “Are you holding my hand?”

“Yes. You don’t mind, do you?”

Benny hesitated again. “It’s just… I mean, that’s the right answer, but… I don’t remember you wearing a coat, especially not a big fur coat… And you’re a lot taller sitting up…”

There was a long moment of silence.

“I’m not wearing a coat,” he said. “Er, as a matter of fact, they took my jacket.”

Benny coughed. “So, whose hands are we holding?”

Two eyes glowed in the darkness and there was a roar.

Despite the inky darkness, they both yelled and ran.

*

Deeper down in the Pit of Hakoff came the sounds of distress.

“You git! You complete and utter git! You must have known it was there!”

“Ow! Benny, stop it!”

“I’ve been cuddling up to a lethal hairy robot Yeti for the best part of an hour. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now!”

“Well, I think I can get us out of here…”

“You know, that’s the right answer. I’ll kill you when we’re safely back on board the TARDIS.”

“Ice cream, did you say? That can be arranged.”

“Don’t tell me, you know a great planet constructed entirely from ice cream that’s due to be invaded by marsh-mallow monsters round about now?”

There was another silence.

“Doctor, please tell me that’s not actually true.”

He coughed again. “Well, the planet’s not actually made out of ice cream and the monsters are a chocolate based life-form -.”

“Monsters you can eat?”

There was another roar from somewhere behind them.

“What are we waiting for?”

They disappeared up a hollowed out tunnel that must act as ventilation shaft.

*

“Sorry about the cliché,” said the Doctor.

Benny shook her head. “I don’t mind cliches as long as it’s not ‘villain ties plucky heroine to the railway tracks’. I can’t be doing with moustaches and I'm not too keen on being splattered by trains, either.”

“Now, where were we?” he asked, giving her hand up to the surface. They emerged next to the TARDIS.

She narrowed her eyes. “You can’t possibly have spent the whole of your life running round the universe plotting out your adventures, so how do you do it?”

“It’s a knack.”

Benny followed him to the door. “Now, let’s get this straight, did you say something about an ice cream planet and chocolate monsters?”

“It’s not an ice cream planet; it’s merely their chief product for export and the chocolate-based life forms have an issue with the way their species are exploited for topping.”

She folded her arms. “As I said earlier, what are we waiting for?”

“You’re not to eat them,” he pointed out. “They’re intelligent beings.”

Benny said, “I’m not believing this one until I see it. And next time I’m curling up with a Yeti, tell me.”

“I was busy,” he said.

“Git,” retorted Benny as the TARDIS vanished in search of sweeter things than Yeti and deep, dark pits of doom. "And while I think of it, where are those spoons?"


***

Comments

[padawanpooh.livejournal.com]

WIN!!!

Absolutely cracktastic: I thoroughly approve of Benny's priorities.

[thisbluespirit]

Thank you. :-D By and large, Benny usually has her priorities right!