![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thisbluespiritThe insanity continues. I was going to put these in the other post with the episodes, but it all got scarily long. (That's me done, unless I start writing fic.)
***
1. 1 The Morning After
Harrison: There is no body in this bathroom, Miss Robinson.
Jordan: No sign of any blood, either, sir.
Mia: But - . Well, then she moved it!
[Everyone looks at Mary.]
Mary: Thank you, Mia.
Harrison: When?
Mia: Sorry?
Harrison: I thought you said you two had been in here together the whole time. When did she get a chance to move the body?
Mia: She was still in the bathroom when I came out here to phone the police. She must’ve done it then.
Harrison: You came out into this room and that’s when she did it?
Mia: Well, yeah. She must have done.
Harrison: And you didn’t see or hear her come out of the bathroom?
Mia: No, but obviously she was -.
Harrison: So, in the five minutes while your back was turned, she somehow managed to remove the body from the bathroom without any assistance and without you hearing or seeing anything, also managing not to get any of the blood on her clothes, found somewhere to dispose of it and returned in time to give the bathroom a quick clean while she was at it?
Mia: There’s no need to make me sound stupid. She could have – I don’t know – dissolved it, or hidden it under the floorboards, couldn’t she?
Harrison: Dissolved it?
Mia: Look, I saw a dead body in there. I don’t go round making things up or imagining stuff, so if it’s not there now, where did it go? And, what’s more, I heard her talking to it!
[Harrison looks at Mary]
Mary: It seemed… I don’t know… friendly. I mean, to talk to it.
Harrison: I’m afraid someone must have been playing a hoax on you two. It’s not the first time it’s happened at this place, either. If you can find whoever’s behind it, I’d like a word with them about wasting police time, among other things.
Mia: So would I! A hoax? Yeah, right.
Mary (cutting in): Thank you, sir.
Harrison: What I’m more interested in is why this young lady can’t give me any details about herself. Want to explain that?
*
Mia: Sorry about the dead body thing. But I saw a corpse in there, as real as anything – we both did – and where’s it gone now? Did you hide it?
Mary: No. I thought DI Harrison covered that nicely, thanks. And I didn’t murder anybody, either, before you ask.
Mia: Well, actually… you can’t know that, can you? I mean, I’ll believe you for the moment, because there’s something freaky going on round here, but you can’t remember what happened last night. You could have stabbed someone for all you know.
Mary: And got all the blood neatly in the bath, too. All that on top of my magical abilities to make a corpse vanish, and I’m probably the perfect serial killer, if only I could remember the details. Thank you, very much, Mia.
*
1.5 Room 113
Claudius: Well, no, it’s not my name, but I didn’t much like who I was when I was alive.
Mary: You were a criminal?
Claudius: I don’t know, the way everyone leaps to unflattering conclusions here... No. Does it matter? We’re all dead together, after all.
Mary: I’m not and neither is the Inspector.
Claudius: Are you sure, Miss Mary?
Harrison: Now, look, here, I’ve had enough. Firstly you’re standing around claiming to be a ghost, and now you’re threatening this young lady. I want your full details, and then I’ll decide whether I believe a word of this.
Claudius (to Mary): Oh, dear, oh, dear. He really doesn’t belong here, does he?
Harrison: I asked you a question.
Claudius: Mr Dickens, if you must – but you can call me Charles, Inspector. Charlie, even, if you want.
*
Harrison: …If I was prepared to believe in ghosts – which is getting likelier by the day – I can’t help thinking you’re a bit too solid to be one, anyway.
Claudius: There’s no call to go round being rude about my size. Once you die, you’re stuck with it, and while I’d love to be svelte, Inspector, exorcising isn’t good for me, if you’ll forgive my little pun -.
Harrison: Very amusing, Mr Dickens, I don’t think.
*
Mary: So why all the lies?
Claudius: It’s not lying if I want to give myself a new name in the afterlife. Is that too much to ask? I spent well over sixty years being Claud Dickinson and that rarely went well. That’s all.
Mary: Come off it, your life can’t have been that bad.
Claudius: Oh, it had its moments, but I spent about forty years of it working for the Inland Revenue. Not that bad as jobs go, but you try answering the ‘so what do you do?’ question over and over and watching people try to get away as quickly as possible while making tax-related jokes. Trust me, it gets you down after the first couple of times.
Mary: You know that isn’t what I want to know. What’s your connection to McAllister and the hotel?
Claudius: I caught him out with his tax returns once. Expensive mistake – for both of us.
Mary: He murdered you?
Claudius: You lot don’t half have lurid imaginations. No, I died of a heart attack, but, there was something he did a good few years before that and I expect that’s my link.
Mary: Yes, but what?
Claudius: You seem nice enough, young Mary, but I don’t know you yet. Let’s face it, you don’t know who you are, and until both of us have got a bit more information on that front, I’m keeping mum.
Mary: Are you scared of something – or someone - McAllister?
Claudius: Would it have been more believable if I’d said I was Alfred, Lord Tennyson?
Mary: No. Don’t change the subject.
Claudius: If you think being dead is the worst thing that can happen round here, you don’t know much about this place. I told you, I’ve got nothing more to say to you. What about Wordsworth?
*
2.3 Got To Get Out of This Place
Mary: I can’t pretend I’m not tied to the hotel. Look what happens when I go away from it, either too far away or for too long.
Harrison: And when was the last time you even tried?
Mary: You know that. And it was the single worst thing that’s happened since this began.
Harrison: I’m just saying, if we can’t get you to a doctor, maybe we should try some experiments ourselves – exactly where and when does it happen?
Mary: Great. More nightmares, headaches and all the rest of it, so you can feel like there’s something tangible to investigate.
Harrison: That wasn’t what I said.
Mary: It won’t make any difference.
Harrison: Why not?
Mary: It won’t.
Harrison: Ha. I knew it.
Mary: Oh, what now, Inspector?
Harrison: I wouldn’t have believed you’d think something that stupid but… you do, don’t you?
Mary: Charming. Now go away, please.
Harrison: Bloody hell, Mary, I shouldn't have to say this: you’re not dead! Has Claudius been saying things again?
Mary: Well, the dead body I keep seeing might actually be alive, so it’s a bit hard to tell round here. And I’m tied to the hotel – just like the rest of them.
Harrison: So let’s try and find out.
Mary (sulkily): I could be dead.
Harrison: Fine. Let’s go and discuss it outside in the sunshine where everyone can stare at us and think we’re crazy.
*
Claudius: Now, if I were alive -.
Mia: If this is going where I think it’s going, you’d need to be at least 30 years younger as well, preferably a bit taller and much better looking while you’re at it.
Claudius: Dead men can dream. Besides, I was a dashing young thing in my day.
Mia: No, you weren’t.
Claudius (sighing): No, I really wasn’t.
Mia: Did you actually want anything?
Claudius: Yes, I did. Much as I resent being treated as if I’m Lassie in these situations, there seems to be some trouble with Meg Howell, and I can’t find young Mary anywhere.
Mia: And you stood there trying bad chat up lines before you thought to say that?
*
2.4 Murder in the Dark
Canning: ...Oh, I see. You think I did this, just because –
Mrs Howell: - I walked in and found you standing over the body while holding a knife, with a ferocious look on your face?
Canning: Even so, in this hotel, I don’t think it’s all that damning.
Mrs Howell: I suppose, to be fair, it was your usual sort of expression…
*
Harrison (as he and Mary arrive in Canning’s room): Before I start enquiries, can someone ensure that the corpse is actually dead and not about to vanish?
Canning: That’s what I was asking Meg to do but she only screamed for the rest of you.
Mrs Howell: He was standing there, just as you see… What was I supposed to think? And, Arthur, why are you still standing in that odd position?
Canning: I thought there might be some clues in the set-up, so I’d stay still. If no one else can appreciate that, I’ll put this ridiculous knife down, as it’s only dripping on the carpet.
Mia (joining them): What’s happened? (Spying the body) Is he dead?
Mary: As far as I can tell. I’m sorry, Mr Canning, but it seems to be an actual murder. You’re sure you didn’t -.
Canning: What, accidentally stab someone with this knife I didn’t even have before the lights came back on and not notice?
Mary: I was going to say, are you sure you didn’t see anything?
Harrison: I think I’m going to give it half an hour and check the victim is still here.
Mary: He’s still warm. I don’t think this is a visitation. He must be one of the real guests, poor man.
Canning (turning even more sarcastic): Oh, in that case, I surrender. Arrest me. I don’t know who he was, where he came from, I never saw this knife before, but obviously I did it!
***
Episode Guide (in case that helps!).
***
1. 1 The Morning After
Harrison: There is no body in this bathroom, Miss Robinson.
Jordan: No sign of any blood, either, sir.
Mia: But - . Well, then she moved it!
[Everyone looks at Mary.]
Mary: Thank you, Mia.
Harrison: When?
Mia: Sorry?
Harrison: I thought you said you two had been in here together the whole time. When did she get a chance to move the body?
Mia: She was still in the bathroom when I came out here to phone the police. She must’ve done it then.
Harrison: You came out into this room and that’s when she did it?
Mia: Well, yeah. She must have done.
Harrison: And you didn’t see or hear her come out of the bathroom?
Mia: No, but obviously she was -.
Harrison: So, in the five minutes while your back was turned, she somehow managed to remove the body from the bathroom without any assistance and without you hearing or seeing anything, also managing not to get any of the blood on her clothes, found somewhere to dispose of it and returned in time to give the bathroom a quick clean while she was at it?
Mia: There’s no need to make me sound stupid. She could have – I don’t know – dissolved it, or hidden it under the floorboards, couldn’t she?
Harrison: Dissolved it?
Mia: Look, I saw a dead body in there. I don’t go round making things up or imagining stuff, so if it’s not there now, where did it go? And, what’s more, I heard her talking to it!
[Harrison looks at Mary]
Mary: It seemed… I don’t know… friendly. I mean, to talk to it.
Harrison: I’m afraid someone must have been playing a hoax on you two. It’s not the first time it’s happened at this place, either. If you can find whoever’s behind it, I’d like a word with them about wasting police time, among other things.
Mia: So would I! A hoax? Yeah, right.
Mary (cutting in): Thank you, sir.
Harrison: What I’m more interested in is why this young lady can’t give me any details about herself. Want to explain that?
*
Mia: Sorry about the dead body thing. But I saw a corpse in there, as real as anything – we both did – and where’s it gone now? Did you hide it?
Mary: No. I thought DI Harrison covered that nicely, thanks. And I didn’t murder anybody, either, before you ask.
Mia: Well, actually… you can’t know that, can you? I mean, I’ll believe you for the moment, because there’s something freaky going on round here, but you can’t remember what happened last night. You could have stabbed someone for all you know.
Mary: And got all the blood neatly in the bath, too. All that on top of my magical abilities to make a corpse vanish, and I’m probably the perfect serial killer, if only I could remember the details. Thank you, very much, Mia.
*
1.5 Room 113
Claudius: Well, no, it’s not my name, but I didn’t much like who I was when I was alive.
Mary: You were a criminal?
Claudius: I don’t know, the way everyone leaps to unflattering conclusions here... No. Does it matter? We’re all dead together, after all.
Mary: I’m not and neither is the Inspector.
Claudius: Are you sure, Miss Mary?
Harrison: Now, look, here, I’ve had enough. Firstly you’re standing around claiming to be a ghost, and now you’re threatening this young lady. I want your full details, and then I’ll decide whether I believe a word of this.
Claudius (to Mary): Oh, dear, oh, dear. He really doesn’t belong here, does he?
Harrison: I asked you a question.
Claudius: Mr Dickens, if you must – but you can call me Charles, Inspector. Charlie, even, if you want.
*
Harrison: …If I was prepared to believe in ghosts – which is getting likelier by the day – I can’t help thinking you’re a bit too solid to be one, anyway.
Claudius: There’s no call to go round being rude about my size. Once you die, you’re stuck with it, and while I’d love to be svelte, Inspector, exorcising isn’t good for me, if you’ll forgive my little pun -.
Harrison: Very amusing, Mr Dickens, I don’t think.
*
Mary: So why all the lies?
Claudius: It’s not lying if I want to give myself a new name in the afterlife. Is that too much to ask? I spent well over sixty years being Claud Dickinson and that rarely went well. That’s all.
Mary: Come off it, your life can’t have been that bad.
Claudius: Oh, it had its moments, but I spent about forty years of it working for the Inland Revenue. Not that bad as jobs go, but you try answering the ‘so what do you do?’ question over and over and watching people try to get away as quickly as possible while making tax-related jokes. Trust me, it gets you down after the first couple of times.
Mary: You know that isn’t what I want to know. What’s your connection to McAllister and the hotel?
Claudius: I caught him out with his tax returns once. Expensive mistake – for both of us.
Mary: He murdered you?
Claudius: You lot don’t half have lurid imaginations. No, I died of a heart attack, but, there was something he did a good few years before that and I expect that’s my link.
Mary: Yes, but what?
Claudius: You seem nice enough, young Mary, but I don’t know you yet. Let’s face it, you don’t know who you are, and until both of us have got a bit more information on that front, I’m keeping mum.
Mary: Are you scared of something – or someone - McAllister?
Claudius: Would it have been more believable if I’d said I was Alfred, Lord Tennyson?
Mary: No. Don’t change the subject.
Claudius: If you think being dead is the worst thing that can happen round here, you don’t know much about this place. I told you, I’ve got nothing more to say to you. What about Wordsworth?
*
2.3 Got To Get Out of This Place
Mary: I can’t pretend I’m not tied to the hotel. Look what happens when I go away from it, either too far away or for too long.
Harrison: And when was the last time you even tried?
Mary: You know that. And it was the single worst thing that’s happened since this began.
Harrison: I’m just saying, if we can’t get you to a doctor, maybe we should try some experiments ourselves – exactly where and when does it happen?
Mary: Great. More nightmares, headaches and all the rest of it, so you can feel like there’s something tangible to investigate.
Harrison: That wasn’t what I said.
Mary: It won’t make any difference.
Harrison: Why not?
Mary: It won’t.
Harrison: Ha. I knew it.
Mary: Oh, what now, Inspector?
Harrison: I wouldn’t have believed you’d think something that stupid but… you do, don’t you?
Mary: Charming. Now go away, please.
Harrison: Bloody hell, Mary, I shouldn't have to say this: you’re not dead! Has Claudius been saying things again?
Mary: Well, the dead body I keep seeing might actually be alive, so it’s a bit hard to tell round here. And I’m tied to the hotel – just like the rest of them.
Harrison: So let’s try and find out.
Mary (sulkily): I could be dead.
Harrison: Fine. Let’s go and discuss it outside in the sunshine where everyone can stare at us and think we’re crazy.
*
Claudius: Now, if I were alive -.
Mia: If this is going where I think it’s going, you’d need to be at least 30 years younger as well, preferably a bit taller and much better looking while you’re at it.
Claudius: Dead men can dream. Besides, I was a dashing young thing in my day.
Mia: No, you weren’t.
Claudius (sighing): No, I really wasn’t.
Mia: Did you actually want anything?
Claudius: Yes, I did. Much as I resent being treated as if I’m Lassie in these situations, there seems to be some trouble with Meg Howell, and I can’t find young Mary anywhere.
Mia: And you stood there trying bad chat up lines before you thought to say that?
*
2.4 Murder in the Dark
Canning: ...Oh, I see. You think I did this, just because –
Mrs Howell: - I walked in and found you standing over the body while holding a knife, with a ferocious look on your face?
Canning: Even so, in this hotel, I don’t think it’s all that damning.
Mrs Howell: I suppose, to be fair, it was your usual sort of expression…
*
Harrison (as he and Mary arrive in Canning’s room): Before I start enquiries, can someone ensure that the corpse is actually dead and not about to vanish?
Canning: That’s what I was asking Meg to do but she only screamed for the rest of you.
Mrs Howell: He was standing there, just as you see… What was I supposed to think? And, Arthur, why are you still standing in that odd position?
Canning: I thought there might be some clues in the set-up, so I’d stay still. If no one else can appreciate that, I’ll put this ridiculous knife down, as it’s only dripping on the carpet.
Mia (joining them): What’s happened? (Spying the body) Is he dead?
Mary: As far as I can tell. I’m sorry, Mr Canning, but it seems to be an actual murder. You’re sure you didn’t -.
Canning: What, accidentally stab someone with this knife I didn’t even have before the lights came back on and not notice?
Mary: I was going to say, are you sure you didn’t see anything?
Harrison: I think I’m going to give it half an hour and check the victim is still here.
Mary: He’s still warm. I don’t think this is a visitation. He must be one of the real guests, poor man.
Canning (turning even more sarcastic): Oh, in that case, I surrender. Arrest me. I don’t know who he was, where he came from, I never saw this knife before, but obviously I did it!
***
Episode Guide (in case that helps!).