15 Characters Meme - the answers (Pt 1)

[thisbluespirit]

Thanks for all your questions! My list of characters:

1. Uljabaan (WtOVPIC)
2. Katrina Lyons (WtoVPIC)
3. Servalan (B7)
4. Silver (S&S)
5. Twelfth Doctor (DW)
6. Ezekiel Jones (The Librarians)
7. Hercule Poirot
8. Robin (BBC Ghosts)
9. The Cat (Red Dwarf)
10. G'kar (B5)
11. Death (Discworld)
12. Lucy Greenwood (Craddock & Co)
13. Orac (B7)
14. John Seward (Drac 1968)
15. Zari (Legends of Tomorrow)



1. From philomytha: Poirot, G'kar and Lucy Greenwood are searching for lost treasure. Do they succeed? What happens when Dr Seward tries to stop them?

That is a great treasure hunting team! Poirot is a world famous detective and, having ascertained that, unlikely as it seems, this particular treasure map is genuine, he will put his little grey cells to work at once. G'kar is probably less good at finding it (unless it turns out to be metaphorical treasure - he might find metaphorical treasure anyway) but he would be deeply into it and Poirot and Lucy, both, at heart, practical souls, would soon adjust to his unexpected existence in whatever weird time-travelling scenario brought all three of them together. He might be a bit of a liability on some occasions, but would be useful for any physical aspects of the hunt that neither of them could manage. Lucy is not only also a part-time detective, but possibly the most resourceful young lady in the entirety of late 19th C Britain. Poirot might be less keen on some of her wilder ideas (he does not go in the hot-air balloon, merci) but they would certainly find the treasure.

In contrast, the 1968 Dr Seward would be hopeless. He would go into a swoon at the sight of G'kar and never manage to keep up with any of them, no matter how he tried. He would try, though, if he'd been told it was important. I think the other three would probably end up looking after him, because he'd be easy to fool whenever they need to dump him or give him a red herring anyway. Every time they need to.


Servalan and Twelve are dancing together. Who trips over whose feet?

You think a woman who wears evening gowns to her day job is going to trip over anything in a ballroom? Twelve trips, but it was mainly to steal the concealed dagger before Servalan stabbed him with it. Overall, they probably sort of enjoyed the dance after that part.


Uljabaan and Silver are arch-enemies. What happens when they are forced to team up to fight Orac?

Weirdly plausible, for a given value of 'arch' in that Silver would certainly be opposed to removing one English village from the world by means of a perception filter and Uljabaan would have to at least tell the Computer to do something if an element was trying to break the perception filter and spoil their invasion, especially when they already don't have the budget to replace equipment. And if anyone on this list might annoy both of them in the process, it would be Orac. Probably taking over Uljabaan's Computer for its own ends.

What happens when they team up to fight Orac is that Uljabaan tells Silver he seems to know what he's doing and does otherwise vital functions like delegating and hitting the Computer's controls and telling Orac to go away or he'll reboot him. Silver prioritises sorting out Orac over rescuing Cresdon Green, where the situation is, after all, pretty localised and self-contained, which is more than you can say for Orac.


Katrina, Robin and Zari are stranded together in the snowy wasteland. Can they make it out alive?

Look, Katrina just came home to her parents for the one weekend. Does it not only have to be the one weekend that aliens decide to invade and cut off Cresdon Green from the outside world but now she's suddenly been "rescued" by a dashing (ish?) super-powered time traveller (in the jump ship, whatever that is), and crash landed in Roman Britain in the middle of winter? She's freezing - the weather's been pretty consistently balmy since Uljabaan's been in charge of it - and she wasn't dressed for this, and said superhero is now supposedly talking to some person she can't see, which, frankly is a tad worrying in the designated driver. She can't believe she's saying this, but she just wants to get back to Cresdon Green, even if she can never leave it again.

(I feel, by this point, whichever Zari it is will qualify for seeing ghosts.)


Which of Ezekiel, the Cat and Death would win a cooking contest?

I need to do a Discworld re-read, but I'm pretty sure Death is canonically bad at cooking, and so is Cat. Ezekiel probably is or could be quite good (especially in comparison to those two), but if this is being televised or something, that is not a thing he's going to want to reveal to the world. So, if a big TV competition, nobody. They are all disqualified. If small-scale enough, Ezekiel will win, but do him a favour and never mention it again, okay?


2. From theseatheseatheendlesssea: Servalan and the Cat go out for karaoke night, what song do they sing together?

Servalan winding up dancing with Twelve is explicable now. Anything would be better than a night out with the Dwarfers.

Murder on the Dance Floor? Servalan does not deign to sing. Mysterious, bloody events prevent her, but Cat is great, of course. He dances, his outfit is sparkly, he has a great ass, a great voice, what more could anyone ask for? If they weren't Servalan, of course.


3. From cindybug: Who would win in an arm wrestling competition, Silver or Robin? Who would Katrina root for?

I think the only character on this list less likely to have an arm wrestling contest is Orac, who has no arms. Robin can't touch things and physical strength is the kind of thing Silver leaves to operators like Steel. However, assuming this happened whenever Robin was alive, then Silver won by elemental trickery unless he wanted Robin to win, in which case Robin would win. Katrina, who doesn't know what she's doing here, either, but she's never going to hook up with a time-travelling superhero again, thank you, nevertheless supports the (more or less) human (ish) guy over the non-human. No offence, but she just wants to see the human race win something right now. And also to get out of the Roman Era, the Stone Age and the general vicinity of Button House, and back home again.


Uljabaan and Poirot are making lunch for Orac and Silver. What do they make? Are Orac and Silver appreciative?

Given that those two do not generally exert themselves in the kitchen (save for eating), it's probably as well that they have cunningly arranged to cook for two characters who cannot eat or do not need to eat/maybe don't eat. So, they make nothing. Neither Orac nor Silver are particularly appreciative of anything, really. Poirot and Uljabaan don't get on. Worst lunch arrangement ever?


Lucy Greenwood and Servalan have been invited to a formal event and have to go clothes shopping. Do they have a good time or is it a total nightmare?

Shopping for clothes is about the only activity I can think of where somebody might have fun on a trip out with Servalan and, if Lucy is quick, which I'm sure she will be, she might even escape without being murdered at the end of it. The outfits chosen will be exquisite, or several exclusive fashion houses will pay for it with their lives.


The Cat teaches Ezekiel how to play a musical instrument. What does the Cat play? Is Ezekiel a good student?

Learning an instrument would take more work than Cat is likely to ever put into anything that's not personal grooming, as does teaching. Whether or not Ezekiel is a good pupil depends on whether he volunteered for it or was volunteered. If the former he is amazing (he says) and if the latter, crap. Whatever the case, he'd need to find a different tutor, because Cat has forgotten they ever arranged anything five minutes after they agreed to it.


G'kar and Zari go on a hike together and get lost. How do they manage to find their way home?

Good question. If it comes to it, though, Zari has back up that are pretty good at managing to find their lost members. Eventually. Probably. Most of the time. G'kar would be philosophical about it and be fine, which drives Zari Tarazi up the wall and back down again. (It's going to be Zari 2.0 here, because it's funnier that way. OTOH, if it's Zari 1.0 then they start off with murder nearly being done, but end up by finding out they've both been persecuted in their home and how you deal with that, and have a survival-bonding experience, which is also fun. Take your pick as to which Zari you prefer.)


Dr Seward and Death pass a rainy afternoon playing card games together. What do they play? Are either of them any good at it?

Probably something innocuous like Happy Families or Snap. Dr Seward had quite a nice time, even if he can't really describe what his fellow player looked like, exactly, and he did give him quite a weird vibe, but he seemed quite sympathetic about Dr Seward's inexplicable fainting fit and let him win a round or two. Death was on holiday, luckily for John. Whitby does seem like a reasonable holiday destination for Death somehow. He can probably have a gothic-flavoured ice cream and wear a knotted handkerchief on his skull top.


4. From lyr: Uljabaan and Servalan accidentally develop a telepathic bond. How does it go? And do they try to keep it or get rid of it?

I'm not sure it would be a good idea for the residents of Cresdon Green if Uljabaan could suddenly pick the brain of someone who's actually really good at oppressing people. Servalan, though, would find it a complete nuisance and would definitely go to any and all extreme measures to get rid of it, including getting rid of Uljabaan. Knowing Servalan, that might well be the first thing she'd try. Luckily for Uljabaan, the perception filter should work on her assassins, so she'll have to find some other way. And she will.


Poirot, the Cat, and Twelve are kidnapped by some shadowy organization and held in the same facility. Who took them and why? Do they try to work together to escape, and, if so, do they succeed?

It isn't hard to imagine a shadowy organisation that might perhaps want to kidnap Poirot or the Doctor, or even possibly both. It's quite hard to imagine a shadowy organisation that not only wants to kidnap both of them, but the Cat as well. However, the Doctor does canonically have a shadowy organisation that sometimes causes him trouble and it is also famously incompetent, so, basically: they have been kidnapped by Torchwood! They will work together to get out, although not without considerable argument and criticism of each other's methods or lack of them and a lamentable insult to a certain person's moustache, but they can outwit Torchwood easy.


Lucy Greenwood finds Ezekiel Jones injured and unconscious. What does Lucy do? How does Ezekiel respond when they wake?

Lucy will respond with her usual resourcefulness and willingness to help, so 12 is obviously Ezekiel's lucky number. She will apply any necessary first aid, even if rather outdated (she is a Victorian) and not only that will enlist Uncle Charles and Grout and while Ezekiel recovers at the bookshop, will track down the culprits and make them pay. Ezekiel will thank her, maybe even with a quick kiss. It'd be cute, really. I hope the rest of the Librarians are able to help with the time travel situation that's developed and he doesn't have to do it the long way round and settle down here. But he'd manage, and Craddock and Co would be a great place to start.


5. From executrix: Servalan, Ezekiel, and the Cat are involved in a lawsuit. Which is the plaintiff, the defendant, and the judge?

Servalan is the judge, so there will be no fair hearing here. The Cat is the plaintiff, because he claims Ezekiel has stolen something belonging to him (a magical artifact; magical artifacts would absolutely turn up on the Dwarf), and Ezekiel is the defendant, or would be, if he'd not just ignored the summons. He got away by magic door, so Servalan can condemn him in his absence and Cat had better just pray he doesn't wind up in contempt of court himself.


Katrina stars in Death's play. Is Zari's review fair or biased? A money review or devastating?

Zari Tarazi's online review is totally for the social media popularity points. Katrina would like it to be known that even if Death is the anthropomorphic personification of, well, Death, his taste in literature isn't that much better than Mrs Leeson at the charity shop's and she did what could with his efforts. It's not her fault if Zari failed to appreciate her nuanced and subtle scene-saving performance, or the notable improvement she made with her ad-libs. Also Zari was possibly still holding a grudge about the amount of complaining Katrina (perfectly understandably) did after being dragged from one benighted era to another in a so-called rescue attempt. Not to mention the whole thing ending up in this literal play from hell scenario. It's the sort of trip that makes the plots of invading alien colonialist overlords look good.


Silver buys a peculiar artifact from Twelve's shop, and G'kar will do ANYTHING to get it back.

This must actually involve a weird sort of exchange, considering whose 'shop' it is and the fact that Silver is never going to walk into a regular shop and buy something with actual money like a normal person. Such things do not apply to him.

This is bad news for G'kar because it means he's very unlikely to get back whatever Twelve stole from him to 'sell' to Silver. Silver will have transmuted it or destroyed it or gone back to wherever it is he comes from already. And a frustrated G'kar is going to mean trouble for everyone, except the right people, because Twelve can skedaddle in the TARDIS. The best outcome is that Twelve hangs around and tries to explain that it was essential to stop time from doing terrible things to everyone else, which might placate G'kar. Or not. It depends what the artifact was and how convincing Twelve is about the weirdness of Time's threats. G'kar might be chasing Silver down fruitlessly forever.


6. From astrogirl: Katrina is taking a class taught by Twelve. What is the Doctor teaching and is Katrina any good at learning it? What's Katrina going to use that knowledge for, anyway?

Katrina attends some of the Doctor's physics lectures pre-Cresdon Green and pre-The Pilot to widen her knowledge beyond Literature and Humanities and help with her educational work. It isn't Katrina's subject anyway, besides which, the lecturer has odd opinions. She tried to subtly correct them with her essays but somehow it didn't seem to take. She ended up dropping the class, but there are some things she really wishes she'd listened to now, and also maybe she shouldn't have been so quick to have made those complaints to the university admin about the lecturer's negative attitudes to his more intellectual mature students.


Uljabaan suddenly materializes in Death's living room (or an equivalent place of Death's), naked and disoriented, with no idea what they're doing there. So, what are they doing there? And how does 11 react? Are the two of them able to get Uljabaan back where they belong? If not, what does Uljabaan end up doing in Death's universe?

Heh, yes, I don't think Death has a living room, somehow!

Uljabaan did not sign up for this. It is very much beneath his Commander-ranking dignity, and also nobody told him that for humans Death is a literal personification of the concept? Why did no one mention this? (The naked part will bother him less, because there aren't any humans around and technically he's wearing a human disguise anyway, sort of.)

If Death does not manage to get Uljabaan back to Cresdon Green, then the residents, Minions and Computer will be having a collective field day (providing head command doesn't obliterate the village due to lack of communication from the Commander for a set amount of time). Uljabaan will discover that if he thought Cresdon Green was bad enough, it has nothing on Ankh-Morpork, and he can't even be Lord Ayleswater there. He's going to have to do degrading human work! He has no Computer!

It's probably all for the best that if anyone can manage to cross multiverses, it is Death, and so Uljabaan will soon find himself back in Cresdon Green where he can commandeer as much cake as he needs to recover from the harrowing experience.


Orac, Dr Seward, and Zari are taking a road trip! Where are they going? Whose vehicle do they take? Are there cheesy roadside attractions involved, and if so which one insists on stopping and how do the other two feel about it? And are all three of them still alive and sane after spending multiple days in a car with the others?

Zari and Orac makes a weird kind of sense (she is at least equipped to deal with super-computers), and presumably some sort of Legends mission gone wrong (as usual) has resulted in her being back in the late Victorian era, so they will be going by horse and carriage or by a very early motorcar, which she'll have to spend a lot of time learning how to fix, and presumably they are making their way down the North East coast for some reason? They get a lot of pretty sea views in between doing whatever it is they're all actually doing - stopping one of the Legends escaped souls from hell seems like the likeliest explanation, really. I don't think they stop for the sights; just to make sure Zari gets fed properly.

Comments

[astrogirl]

Given the divergence in our fandoms at the moment, I'm pleased to see that I recognized about half of these people. Although, as usual, even with the ones I don't know, this managed to be hugely entertaining. I LOL'd at the Doctor snatching Servalan's dagger while they were dancing. Good call, Doc! And, Servie really does liven things up immensely in this meme, doesn't she? Even if she is absolutely not doing any karaoke.

And I see why you were laughing at my second question now, as "Death's living room" is just an inherently hilarious phrase. I mean, he does have some kind of equivalent, I'm sure, but there's no way he's calling it that. :)

I'm also amused that I managed to have the class taught by someone who canonically spent decades teaching!

[thisbluespirit]

I do try to have a good amount of the sort of people other people round here know by osmosis! I'm glad it works.

And, Servie really does liven things up immensely in this meme, doesn't she? Even if she is absolutely not doing any karaoke.

She does! I might need to give her a rest next time, but she's always good value if you want some question-disrupting trouble going on.

And I see why you were laughing at my second question now, as "Death's living room" is just an inherently hilarious phrase.

It was definitely the one that made me laugh the hardest as soon as I put the character into the line!

I'm also amused that I managed to have the class taught by someone who canonically spent decades teaching!

It was very considerate of you, especially considering some of the other options! You even selected a plausible pupil, so you should get points for that.

[hamsterwoman]

I think the only character on this list less likely to have an arm wrestling contest is Orac, who has no arms

LOL!

I feel like arm-wrestling is very much the sort of thing Robin would LIKE to compete in, and would be frustrated by not being able to. Alas!

So, they make nothing. Neither Orac nor Silver are particularly appreciative of anything, really. Poirot and Uljabaan don't get on. Worst lunch arrangement ever?

I mean, it's handy that the stars aligned so that no food is actually required? But other than that, yeah XD

Shopping for clothes is about the only activity I can think of where somebody might have fun on a trip out with Servalan

LOL, I think you're right!

(This meme is hard to appreciate in full without a full overlap in fandoms, but I notice that any question Servalan pops up in I enjoy, regardless of who else she's partnered with.)

Looking forward to more of thee!

[thisbluespirit]

I feel like arm-wrestling is very much the sort of thing Robin would LIKE to compete in, and would be frustrated by not being able to. Alas!

It's very unfair on Robin; he got asked to arm-wrestle twice in this meme, and he would so have been up for it if he was actually alive and all.

This meme is hard to appreciate in full without a full overlap in fandoms, but I notice that any question Servalan pops up in I enjoy, regardless of who else she's partnered with.

Hee, and a good deal more than anybody partnered with Servalan tends to enjoy things!

[theseatheseatheopensea]

but Cat is great, of course. He dances, his outfit is sparkly, he has a great ass, a great voice, what more could anyone ask for?

"Murder on the Dancefloor", now I've got an earworm, haha! XD And I wonder what songs the other Dwarfers would pick for the rest of the karaoke night!

Neither Orac nor Silver are particularly appreciative of anything, really. Poirot and Uljabaan don't get on. Worst lunch arrangement ever?

Maybe Silver and Poirot could bond over shiny clothes, and the lunch could be saved? XD

[thisbluespirit]

"Murder on the Dancefloor", now I've got an earworm, haha! XD And I wonder what songs the other Dwarfers would pick for the rest of the karaoke night!

I think we're probably best off not knowing!

Maybe Silver and Poirot could bond over shiny clothes, and the lunch could be saved? XD

True, but given the lack of eating and cooking going on, it still wouldn't be a proper lunch as such.

[john_amend_all]

Death is actually pretty good at cooking — he was having a great time working at Harga's House of Ribs in Mort until Albert called him back to sort out the mess Mort was making.

[thisbluespirit]

I was trying to remember whether he was or not! I knew Albert was not, or only did one thing at any rate, but it's been too long. Whoops!

[lyr]

How fun! Thanks for this.

[thisbluespirit]

Thank you for the questions! They were all great fun.

[liadt]

Heh, Death would have to turn up round Dr Seward's:D And Whitby would be a nice holiday destination for Death, he could wear his usual clothes and no one would notice. Might get offered a pint of snakebite, though.

[thisbluespirit]

I do think Whitby would be potentially fun for a holiday for Death, yes. Of course, it tends not to be great for everyone else when Death takes a holiday, but other than that, fine... XD

[daibhidc]

Haha, these are great fun.

I actually just checked The Death's Domain Mapp to see if it gives any information on the living room question, but it just says all the rooms are subject to change except for the study, library and lifetimer room, which are needed for THE DUTY, and the kitchen, which is Albert's domain and is therefore damn well left alone. But since we know he has a bathroom because he thinks that's a thing a house should have, I'm sure there's also a li... a parlour. Black sofa (with cushions as solid as the towels in said bathroom), black coffee table, empty fireplace with a picture of Mort and Ysabell on the mantel, wall clock with no hands and a very sharp pendulum...

[thisbluespirit]

Ha, thanks for looking! I mean, he definitely wouldn't call it that, which is what made me laugh when I put the characters into the question. (Last time someone managed to ask: "Would I like Death if I met him?")

I'm sure there's also a li... a parlour. Black sofa (with cushions as solid as the towels in said bathroom), black coffee table, empty fireplace with a picture of Mort and Ysabell on the mantel, wall clock with no hands and a very sharp pendulum...