It's a meme!

[thisbluespirit]

Last night, I was sitting here, feeling bored and wanting a meme, (yeah, sad, I know, sorry, I'm saner this morning) and probably a few minutes after I switched off my computer, jjpor came up with one from someone. So, in the interests of silliness and and all that, I must pass it on:

Name three fics you think I will never, ever, ever write. In return (and if inspired), I will attempt to write a snippet of one of them.

Diisclaimer: Be kind. I am easily squicked out by even relatively harmless things.

Comments

[persiflage-1.livejournal.com]

I know you will never, ever write Liz/Brig porn, or Harry/Ruth porn, or even Ten/Martha kissing...

[thisbluespirit]

Well, since Liz/Brig porn is actually smouldering and sarcasm and Harry/Ruth porn is merely longing gazes and holding hands, I may one day. ;-)

But Ten/Martha? I've not really had the occasion or been bitten by a plot bunny, but I can write that. That's canon. Happened on screen and everything. Just don't expect much romance or details.

***

“Martha.”

She turned, about to head back to her notes. “What now?”

The Doctor coughed and played with the back of his shirt collar. “Well, Miss Jones -.”

“That’s Dr Jones now, you know.”

“Yeah.”

“Well?”

“What?”

She shook her head. “You were trying to say things. You don’t normally have problems talking.”

“Yeah, well. I was only meaning to say that there might be some things I might… regret. You know, just possibly.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Okay, Doctor. Care to narrow that down?”

“You remember when we first met?”

Martha rolled her eyes. “Nah. Slipped my memory, ‘cos Judoon on the moon and upside rain – happens every day.”

“No, not that.”

She folded her arms. “Doctor, can we not play twenty questions?”

“Okay, well, I just suddenly thought maybe it was a bit of a waste not to have – well – done this a bit more often.”

She was about to ask what, her impatience growing, when he demonstrated with a repeat of a kiss that was indeed one of the things she had never quite forgotten about that day. That was nothing? She thrilled inwardly, this being another small victory. Apparently, it wasn’t nothing.

He released her and patted her on her arm. “Well, yes, that. You didn’t mind, did you?”

“No,” she told him. “It was pretty good as kisses go, Doctor. But this is typical of you!”

“How?”

“You wait until I’m engaged!”

***

Happy now? ;-D

[persiflage-1.livejournal.com]

Yup, thank you! My Evil Oppression worked yet again!! :P

[jjpor.livejournal.com]

Heheh - yep, that's Ten for you.

[pitry.livejournal.com]

Oh this is brilliant!

... And soooo Ten/ Martha it's exasperating.

[belantana.livejournal.com]

TWO THUMBS UP. And a big grin too!

(Ahem, please don't ever write Harry/Ruth porn. Ever. Thanks.)

[jjpor.livejournal.com]

You know, the obvious thing that springs to mind is a nice bit of Tilly/Sgt Kennedy. Nothing more than handholding, obviously, because, well, Tilly would probably give him a black eye if he tried anything.

Failing that, the fluffiest, sweetest most soppiest Four/Romana fic you can possibly imagine. ;D

Or something involving Jack and Team Cardiff (era optional); the Torchwoodier the better...

[thisbluespirit]

1. You would think I actually could write that, but things have moved on too far and I'd have to wait a bit.

2. Okay, I did. I'm not surew it's sweet or fluffy, but I did. Except it went over 1000 words, so I'll have to make a new post. Stand by. (You know what Four and Romana are for talking.

3. Yes, you're right. I really, really couldn't. Or wouldn't, I suppose. But, yeah, you got me. Unless it was too short to involve swearing, sex, violence or gratuitous bleakness and random partner-swapping.

[thisbluespirit]

Tilly would never give Sgt Kennedy a black eye! 8-o

[jjpor.livejournal.com]

No, no she wouldn't, because he would never try anything; they'd just sit holding hands and, awww...why can't all ship fic be that awww...? Awww... I'll stop going "awww" in a minute and just imagine the fluffiness while I'm waiting for that UNIT wedding fic you mentioned, seeing as you didn't fall for my cunning ruse to get Tilly/Kennedy fic out of you... ;D

[john_amend_all]

Well, the obvious thought that springs to mind is sugar-sweet Ten/Rose babyfic. Then, continuing on the theme, sickly Brigadier/Liz babyfic, and come to a rousing finale with syrupy Leela/Rodan babyfic involving LOOOOOMS.

[jjpor.livejournal.com]

Yes, of course, don't forget the LOOOOMMMS! ;D

[thisbluespirit]

Hey you, get your looms off my thread!

(Did you notice my pun there?) :loL:

[thisbluespirit]

Why has no one done Brig/Liz baby fic before? It’s priceless! Obviously, this extract is from early in the fic

*

“Well, Brigadier?” Liz Shaw watched his approach with her arms folded. “And how do you plan to deal with this little problem?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Oh, it’s my fault, is it, Miss Shaw? I seem to recall -.”

“And from what I recall, you were calling me Liz – among other things – on that occasion,” she said. The roundness of her stomach was becoming more obvious than either of them liked to acknowledge.

His gaze slid away. “Obviously, Miss Shaw – Liz – I don’t intend to abandon you in this situation. How soon do you want me to make arrangements with the Registrar?”

“Moved as I am by that terribly romantic proposal, Brigadier -.”

“You might also want to try being a little less formal.”

“Yes,” she said. “Well, thank you. I shall think about it.”

“I don’t see what’s to think about. Obviously -.”

“You want to make an honest woman of me?” she returned. “I can imagine.” Then she sighed. “And I will think about it. If you ask me again somewhere that isn’t your office, I might even think about saying yes. But that wasn’t what I meant.”

“Liz, whatever your decision, you know that I will support you in every way possible,” he informed her, awkward, but determined to do the right thing, even after the unfortunate affair earlier in the year with those aliens that had been doing some rather interesting experiments that had landed the two of them in this predicament. The Doctor claimed these things went on all the time and they were only lucky nothing worse had happened. Until now, he and Liz had been choosing not to comment on the whole thing. He had to agree with the Doctor. It shouldn’t have occurred, but since it had – well, it could have been far worse.

She sighed and looked up at him. “No, Brig – Alistair. I’m just wondering how to break the news to the Doctor.”

The Brigadier looked back at her for a minute and then coughed. “You mean – but he must have noticed!”

“Yes,” she agreed, acid in her tone. “He keeps giving me dietary advice and suggesting long walks. Very kindly, of course, but -.”

He straightened himself. He always did what had to be done. “Don’t worry, Liz. I’ll explain matters to him.”

Liz smiled.

“What now?”

“Oh, I was only thinking that watching you try will make up for a good part of this.”

*

And then there’s all the arguing about professional duties and hiring Jo Grant as the nanny, when her application form conveniently lands on his desk at the right moment…

[john_amend_all]

LOL! Bearing in mind the circumstances of Caroline John's departure, it could even be canon...

[ravenskyewalker.livejournal.com]

...And there's always Seven / Ace romance or smut. LOL

[thisbluespirit]

Three! You're meant to give me three options! *faints*

:lol:

[thisbluespirit]

This is, categorically, as far as I will go. Given the story you've asked for, evidently much more 18th C type bawdyness was in evidence, involving the Doctor and Ace as much or as little as the reader likes to imagine:

***

The footman turned from the pair making the entrance into the chandeliered ballroom. “Lord and Lady Munchausen!”

“I say, terribly grand in here, isn’t it, what?” said Ace, hanging on to his arm with one hand and using the other to hold up the skirts of her eighteenth century ballgown before she fell flat on her face in an undignified heap.

“Don’t do that,” he whispered in her ear. “Your usual voice will be fine, I assure you.”

“I thought I was doing good with the posh stuff. Won’t they turn their noses up at me if I’m not?”

He said, “Possibly. Does that bother you?”

“Nah. ‘Course not. Nothing bothers me, Professor. I mean, John.”

“And it’s nothing to what they’ll be thinking of me,” he murmured. “Ah, Sir Henry. May I introduce you to my wife?”

The begwigged aristocrat raised his eyebrows. “Charmed, I’m sure.”

***

[pitry.livejournal.com]

Hmm.. 1. I'll have to second the Ten/Rose bit, that's one thing you probably will never do - although if you did you will probably have a lot more sensible approach to that than most of them!

2.I already have in mind pairings that tend to be written in a foolish way so anything Two/Jamie.

3. One of those fics that think Six was all about shouting.

[thisbluespirit]

Well, I did do Six/Rose, if you like.

And so, out of those choices: Six, I love you, but it is terribly easy to do this sort of thing:

***

“Are you listening to me, Peri?”

“Doctor, I’ve been listening to you yell at me for the past -.”

“Yell? Yell?! YELL?”

“Yeah.” She pouted.

He said, “If I had been raising my voice, you could at least use decent English and describe it as ‘shouting’, or possibly even ‘bellowing’ or ‘hollering’.”

“But, Doctor -.”

“Peri, let me finish. Now, as I was saying, we may be here some time, so I propose-.”

“Doctor!”

“A fact which, may I remind you, is entirely your fault. I warned you about clomping about in silly high heels and talking to strange talking mushrooms -.”

“You never said a thing about -.”

“And, now here we are, imprisoned with no hope, no chance, no mere whisper of an escape and shall be ending our days here in this miserable cell.”

“Unless you get outta my way and open the door!”

He paused. “I’m sorry. WHAT did you say?”

“Someone unlocked the door about two hours ago, in the middle of your recitations from Hamlet. I did try to tell you, but you just shushed me and you haven’t paid any attention since – too busy yelling at me. And for the record, Doctor, you never said anything about talking mushrooms. I’m a botanist and you expect me not to say hi when a five foot fungus comes up and starts chatting about the weather?”

He coughed. “I may have been, possibly, mildly annoyed over the circumstances of our incarceration, but I resent the -.”

“So, can we go?”

“Yes,” he said. His voice cracked a little. He coughed again. “Peri, this is terrible! I must have picked up some fatal infection in these unhygienic cells! We must get out at once – I seem to be losing my voice.”

She rolled her eyes, as she tugged the door open. “Really. Gee, Doctor, I can hardly believe it.”

*

Once they were back in the TARDIS, he wrapped a scarf round his throat and settled in the chair with a drink of honey and lemon and the classic amateur dramatic’s at-death’s-door-pose.

“Not got your voice back, huh?” said Peri, folding her arms and watching.

He shook his head. “Keep back, Peri,” he said in a weak whisper. “Could be Aracanian teramuflaffic flu – fatal in every case. Don’t come any nearer – save yourself! After all, if you get sick, who’ll look after Me?”

“Thanks, Doctor,” she said, leaning against the console. “I’ll take my chances. I think it’s about time you listened to me for a change.”

He looked at her determined expression and swallowed. “Very, very sick,” he croaked, sinking down in the chair and closing his eyes.

“You don’t fool me for a minute,” she said. “We’ll start with your cooking and your dress sense and move onto the fact that you never, ever take me to the mall. You’d think there must be one somewhere in the cosmos – maybe even a whole planet of shops or something – but do you ever -?”

“Dying,” he murmured, a tear trickling out of one eye. “But don’t worry, Peri – the TARDIS will take you safely home.”

“And you couldn’t even get me to Blackpool!”

“Dead,” he finished with a dramatic, choking gasp.

“Doctor, corpses don’t talk.”

***

[akashasheiress.livejournal.com]

1. Liz/Brig - sordid affair. In a motel.

2. Ten commits genocide to get Rose back.

3. Sarah and Harry come up with creative ways to hide their relationship from Four.

[thisbluespirit]

1. Sordid? Yeah, yo're right. I wouldn't. It would be horrendously embarrssing to read! And very, very bad!

2. I think someone just covered the market there.

3. *glee* You think this is something I wouldn't write? (Give me a moment, I think I may have to manage more than a snippet. Sarah/Harry awwww. *coughs).

[belantana.livejournal.com]

I... cannot think of anything you wouldn't write which I also wouldn't not want to read! If that makes sense.

Ooh wait - kitten!fic. Yes yes yes. Don't even care what fandom.

Reading between the lines it sounds like you have some things going on at work and I hope it's nothing too traumatic. :)

[thisbluespirit]

Harry caught Ruth in the corridor. "Ruth."

"Harry."

He coughed again. "There's something I feel I ought to tell you."

"Oh?"

He thought about it for a while. "You remember you left yor cats with me?"

"Of course. Perhaps I should take them back? I could use some company."

"How much company?"

"Harry?"

"I foolishly assumed that a responsible cat owner would have had one neutered and one spayed, but apparently not."

Ruth raised her eyebrows.

"Yes," said Harry. "Since you left, I've been having kittens."

***

(I'm sorry!!!)

[thisbluespirit]

Reading between the lines it sounds like you have some things going on at work and I hope it's nothing too traumatic. :)

Thanks for asking. :-D

In terms of what most people are dealing with, no it isn't. However, there's a radical restructure going on and once it's done, I won't be a librarian. (Except in the sense that I will always be the sort of person who puts their books in alphabetical order and tries to tidy up the Ineternet here and there.) But, thanks. It isn't much fun as we go through it and lose people without whom surely the roof will fall?? (Of course, it won't and things will work out, but it feels a little that way.)